I have been bulimic for 6 years, and I knew that it was going to kill me one day. And when my acceptance of that fact didn't bother me...I got help a couple months ago. And even though I'm not perfect, and even though some days I feel like a failure, I am confident that one day, I will be okay. And that's because some days, I feel whole again. Brand new. Like there is purpose for my life, there is a reason I'm here. And in that fleeting feeling...I know I can beat this.
I never suffered from an eating disorder, but I did have disordered eating at a time in life combined with very hateful thoughts towards my body. Currently I'm doing so much better in that aspect, and my college essay prompt is "Describe a setback you have encountered in your life. Explain how you have handled the situation and what you have learned from it." I want to talk about my experience, but I'm not sure how to? This is a sort of pointless ask, but I was just wondering if you had ideas?<3
stay away from potentially triggering things (like numbers) or anything that you think could possibly upset someone, while stilll getting the point across! i think what you’re writing about is great! you should submit it to the blog when you’re done!
So, I just wanted to say that I think it's absolutely awesome that you stuck up for yourself with the whole ask about you sugar-coating recovery. You should be proud of how far you've come... you have tons to be proud of. It's amazing that you relapsed as much as you did but still didn't give up on your recovery. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
thank you. to the anon i answered with the sugar coating, i’m sorry if i came off as rude or angry, but the accusation that i don’t know how hard recovery is really upset me.
I think you sugar coat recovery. Yeah, things to get better, but they don't always stay that way. For example, I was anorexic then got treatment and got better, but now I am relapsing. . I'm not saying I won't ever go back into treatment and try and get better, my point is things get better and worse, there are a lot of ups and downs, and you need to have your recovery tools available always, because you never know what can happen. Things improve, but they get worse also.
i take offense to this. i have been battling my eating disorder for about 5 years now. the first time i sought treatment it was for strictly anorexia. that was in january of 2009. i relapsed within a month, and also began bingeing/abusing laxatives along with restricting. got treatment in july and august 2009, relapsed again in october (same symptoms). got treatment in january and february 2010 and was doing well and i started college. about a month into college, something traumatic happened to me, and i began purging orally to cope. this went on until august 2011.
so don’t tell me i’m sugar coating recovery, that i don’t know the ups and downs. i do. there were times my ed made me want to end my life. but i’m not going to sit here and blog about that. this blog is about RECOVERY. i truly believe recovery is AMAZING. i’m not saying it’s easy- far from it. recovery is a process, not an event. but it is worth it. that’s the point of this blog, to remind people that recovery is worth it. of course tools are important, and i’m still in therapy and i still see a nutritionist when i visit home on breaks.
as for me, you’re right, you never know what things can happen. but you know what, i finally think i’m done with my eating disorder, and i am damn proud of that. the recovery life i have lived these past few months has been happier than any of my time with my ed. are there bad days? of course. but i wake up the next day and i keep going. i will never give up.
“I get this idea that we, as geeks, are expected to rise above the common herd that are influenced by advertising and self-hate. We’re so much cleverer than that, so much more accepting! We were the fat kids in high school!
But we’re not. After all, geek boys lusts after the thin ones, every geek girl is bombarded with pictures of thin Leia, thin Xena, thin Sailor Scouts. Comics portray thin people as good, fat people as bad. There’s a reason Desire is slim and Despair is fat. Women get the same role-models in geek culture as they do in the rest of the world, but that culture is determined not to address this, nor to address the problems it might cause us.”
these positive messages from people in recovery are wonderful and inspirational! tonight, i ate a delicious dinner with my boyfriend and afterwards had cookies. 1 year ago i could even admit something tasted good. there is hope.
I'm in recovery, and i eat no differently than my friends. sometimes it means 1 am pizza delivery. the reason i'm sharing this is i came home for break and saw my nutritionist, thinking my weight must have gone up immensely from my college life. it did not change a pound. i'm not obsessively exercising and i'm not purging. the point is, even if you eat a lot, it does not mean you will instantly gain weight. TRUST ME, life is much better now than it was when i was active in my ed. and tastier [:
I get a terribly sore body the day after a binge, I know a couple of other people who do as well.. do you have any idea why? It is driving me mad! And obviously it is bloody painful :(
the only answer to “why” i have is that bingeing is violent. ED symptoms are violent acts you commit against your own body. when you binge, you’re committing a violent act against your body by forcing more food than it can comfortably handle, thus it hurts.
is there any way to be guaranteed IP treatment (besides being veryy underweight?) I don't think I can do it OP but I've never gone before and I don't have any major health problems..but I really want help
look into residential centers. residential don’t care about weight. IP is in a hospital setting, resi you live there but it’s not a hospital
I initially started Clear Confusion to get support at the outset of eating disorder recovery, but as I got stronger I decided to migrate the negative (and possibly triggering) posts to a different URL and convert the Tumblr under clearlyconfusedchild into an advice and motivation blog with the sporadic, brief personal update. I do not post numbers or food specifics.
I post with a frequency of just four to six staggered posts per day with any important and time-sensitive links and information going up as needed. (For instance, posts for awareness weeks do not run on a cue and neither do answers.) I never post an answer unless I am given explicit permission or the asking user has chosen to remain on the anonymous setting.
Over the years, I have experienced self-injury, depression, anxiety disorders, ED-NOS that ran the full spectrum of behaviors, as well as self-acceptance struggles as a gay woman. I know and love people who have struggled with other addictions, personality disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder.
I hope to be of service and help to anyone who might seek support, even if that means pointing people to other resources or people who may be better able to help. Never forget that you are a worthy and beautiful soul!
Hey, I just want to check and see if you were able to access the two versions of the video via the YouTube links. If it didn't work, I may have to email (though to what address, I'm not sure). If you didn't get the messages because Tumblr was being Tumblr, I'll gladly send them, again. Hope you are well!
try sending them again because the videos i’ve downloaded so far i cant find on my comp :)
hey heyyy i submitted my tattooo awhile back and now i have a different blog URL so i was wondering if you could update it? its the noone heals without a struggle one. thanks! and i saw your little shout out to our when-i-recover blog! thanks so muchhhh :) i adore YOUR blog. <3 lovelove.
i will change it! and thank you so much! i also adoreeee when i recover! <3
Sometimes I just feel like I'm never going to be happy.
i know. i know how you feel. but listen to me when i say you will be happy one day, things do get better. please believe me when i say this. this is not a doctor or someone who has never been there saying this. i’ve been there. i really thought things would never get better. but they do. they really do. over the last few months i’ve had a lot of shit thrown at me, and i never thought i’d be strong enough to handle it without turning to ed/si. but i am. i have not turned to either of those things and i feel happier than i have in a long while. of course there are still rough days, but in the end, recovery is worth it. you will be happy again one day. i mean it <3
yesterday was my dad's birthday and now today its thanksgiving obviously, and i've been eating a lottt. i feel absolutely terrible about it and i'm trying so hard not to purge. is there anyway to make that over eating feeling go away?
my best advice is to take deep breaths, maybe write or do something to distract you. remind yourself that no matter what you eat in one or two days your body is not going to change size or shape IN ANY WAY. and think of how great you’ll feel when you succeed in not giving in to ed. When ed yells at you, YELL BACK!
Fight the voices - change the negatives to positives
Play an instrument
Gently wash your face, hands or hair
Do gardening, shovel snow or mow the lawn
Color in a coloring book
Rock in a rocking chair
Touch a familiar object that you carry with you (keys, a necklace) or listen to your watch ticking
Hold and pet your cat or dog
Make a list of things to do or shopping list
Write down who and where you are
Pray, talk yourself down or yell
Say what you feel outloud, even if you have to yell or cry!
Change your environment… walk out of the room, touch something different, change the sounds around you (put on music, turn on the tv, etc.), eat something different and “safe”, smell something different (perfume, flowers, food, grass, etc.)
Visualize a stop sign
Dance to music
Say outloud “I am here right now”… assure yourself that this is a normal process for you
Do self-affirmation… read books, listen to tapes and write down good things about yourself
Identify your triggers (things that make you feel badly or have bad memories or flashbacks)
if I ask for help will I be taken seriously even at a normal/healthy weight? (I've heard all these horror stories like doctors saying like "oh you're fine" and bein done :/)
Often times non specialist doctors are uneducated and dont realize eating problems unless you’re practically dying. Its still worth a try to express you’re concern to your doctor and ask for recommendations for a specialist. A specialist will be able to take you more seriously and can provide better care.
Got any good thanksgiving distractions? Also, what are the video requirements?
personally, i find having someone to talk to helps alot. I often try to have someone that i can text constantly throughout the day. I personally get alot of anxiety on thanksgiving because of past experiences i had. Also, watching tv, or going on the computer, reading a book or working on art are some of the distractions that i engage in. If you look on our page over the next few days we’ll be posting tips.
do you know at what weight they will make you do "weight restoration"? like, if I'm 1,5,10lbs underweight will I have to? is there a set number?
if you’re only slightly under, they often put you on weight managment and hope that you gain a little more weight. I;m not sure if theres an exact number. I was 10lbs under and then made me gain, but i was eating a “average” meal size, not the weight gain plan. They may throw in an extra snack for you, it depends on how you eat now and what the program is like.
I have anorexia and none of my family knows. I'm trying to get over it and it is so hard to eat, sometimes I cry. How should I handle Thanksgiving?
we’re posting tips the next couple of days to help out with the holidays. Thanksgivings rough, it’s my least favorite day of the year and i still struggle A LOT that day. Try to eat what your comfortable with trying to make sure you’re eating enough. Then engage in conversation or other activites to distract yourself after eating. Have someone you can call or talk to a family member before hand that you can trust to support you that day. Stay Strong <3 Jeyn